We all experience dark or dull moments in life. Not the dramatic, easy-to-name kind but the quiet ones. The heavy ones. The moments where something feels off, yet you can’t quite pinpoint what it is.
The Symptoms of Quiet Heaviness
You wake up tired for no clear reason. Everything irritates you. Your body feels heavy. Your mind feels crowded. And when we don’t understand what’s going on inside us, we instinctively reach for relief.
Some people eat to feel better. Others shop. Some scroll endlessly. Some drink, use substances, or seek sex to numb the discomfort. These are all forms of immediate gratification—quick ways to escape discomfort. And let me be clear: they don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’re human. But they’re temporary. They soothe the symptom, not the source.
What if I told you there’s another way? A gentler, deeper way. One that doesn’t involve avoiding yourself but meeting yourself.
Talk to Yourself Instead of Running Away
We talk to ourselves all the time silently. But this is different. I mean out loud. When someone asks you, “How are you?” your mind instantly assesses trust and vulnerability. But when you ask yourself that question, the walls soften.
So this is how I do it. I literally pause and say: “Hi Winny… how are you? What’s really going on?” I sigh first. Because the sigh already knows. And then, I start talking.
List Everything Contributing
I don’t try to find the problem. Because stress is rarely caused by just one thing. Stress is composite. It’s many small weights stacked together. So I say everything. Out loud.
- “Maybe it’s because my payment has delayed and I had plans.”
- “Maybe it’s because my friend and I aren’t in a good place.”
- “Maybe work feels stagnant and I’m questioning myself.”
- “Maybe I’m just tired.”
- “Maybe I’m hungry.”
Nothing is too small or too silly to mention. Because sometimes it’s not one big storm, it’s many tiny clouds. And naming them brings relief.
The Pep Talk: Realistic Kindness
This is where many of us fail ourselves. We are incredibly hard on ourselves. We tell ourselves to “be strong” or “stop overthinking.” But here, I choose compassion.
I start by validating myself: “It makes sense that you feel this way.” Then I soften the tone: “Cut yourself some slack.” I remind myself of what I’ve already done. What I’ve survived. What I can’t change and what I can.
“You don’t have to solve everything today.”
This is not toxic positivity. This is realistic kindness.
End with Gratitude
Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about anchoring yourself in what’s still standing. So I add it into the conversation: “I’m grateful I noticed myself slipping instead of numbing it.” “I’m grateful I paused.” “I’m grateful I’m trying.”
By the end of that conversation, I feel lighter. Not because my problems disappeared. But because I showed up for myself.
Creating a Safe Place Within
As much as relationships matter, we also need to learn how to hold ourselves. Because people won’t always be available. Circumstances won’t always be kind. That’s why it’s important to know how to gently guide yourself out of dark moments—not by depending solely on something outside you, but by learning how to be there for yourself.
This is what it means to create a safe space inside you. A quiet inner haven. When things feel overwhelming, you can pause, close your eyes, and turn inward. Not to escape reality, but to reconnect with yourself. Because peace doesn’t begin outside of us. It begins within.
So the next time you feel dull, heavy, or disconnected and you can’t explain why… Try this:
- Pause
- Speak to yourself out loud
- Name everything
- Be kind
- End with gratitude
You might be surprised how much relief comes from simply saying: “I see you.” And sometimes that’s enough to pick yourself up.
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